hey there, world
Jun. 29th, 2016 08:13 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
red_lasbelinSo - I'm alive. Which is an old joke, but I had a health issue last month, so it is relevant. :D
Been a while since I've updated, hasn't it? I keep thinking about doing it, but sometimes I don't know what to share, so I've just kept passing it on for another day. Today's as good as any though.
Past six months have been really rough. Lived through a work situation that was absolutely insane in retrospect (hideously understaffed) and I didn't handle it well. Oh, I worked my ass off, my job and another person's. But I let it wreck my mental well being, I was as invested in it as an actual manager and that was not my job. I need to be more careful to not let that happen again, not to that level. It's better now, but it mostly feels like the calm before the storm again. See how the next few months play out. I'll either be going to the next level at this place as assistant manager or moving on to somewhere else. Both has its pros and cons and nothing's definite yet.
I was absolutely longing for my vacation in May and made huge plans for the beach and day drinking and just having fun and being irresponsible, but spent the entire vacation feeling very ill, unable to eat, horrible night pains and thinking I had an ulcer. Nothing I did helped, so when I got back from vacation, I went to the doctor and found I had massive inflammation in my small intensines, which explained some of the serious pain I was dealing with. Got to spend a couple days in the hospital and deal with tests - had a Crohn's disease scare, but the results came back clear. Cannot explain what getting those results felt like - relief! But I feel really cheated of a vacation that was wasted because of feeling like shit. I worked so hard for that.
I'm gonna be an aunt. I'm kind of excited about that, and it's lovely to watch my sister go through that whole process. And it's a boy, and I don't think I'm very good with boys, but I'd like to learn. Want to hold a baby and cuddle, but not in a 'have one of my own' way.
Personally? Feeling grey and flat most days. I need to find the power of positive thinking or something, but it's been a hard year, and it seems like the past 6 years have just progressively gotten worse. Need to find some way of taking joy in the small things. My professional drive is fine, but my personal drive is just - non-existant. I miss being creative and more cheerful and positive. And I know I need to figure out how to change that in myself because I can't depend on life to get better, just my reactions to it.
Fandom wise? I did the world's smallest volunteer job on the new OEAM site to upload some fics. I need to go through and check all my work - I think I've edited some pieces since then. I also should upload the stories i've written that are currently only archived on Ao3 - I'm used to my lj being my main archive and it still feels weird they aren't there. I am a bit sad at the thought of them having no comments though, lol.
I have been reading - Kindle is a godsend, because I can read on my ten minute breaks or my thirties, or a couple of chapters right before bed. Finished the Raven Cycle by Maggie Stiefvater and enjoyed it, but also really wished that the main characters were older. I know that YA is a huge deal and very important and has opened up a whole new world, but God, sometimes I do think it'd be vastly more interesting if they weren't under 18. Nevertheless, the concept is good, the writing is decent and I enjoy the characters, just want to see them with a few more years and maturity and life experience on them. Or maybe I'm just getting old.
I've noticed when I read more published work, my fanfiction reading drops off and then I cycle back into more fanfiction and less published stuff. But I eagerly await any update of Keiliss's The Pink Flamingo. I'm also reading some in Star Wars, my original heart fandom, though side pairings from new characters, and mostly gen from the original characters. It makes me happy to see that particular universe again, though I still love the books from the '90s and '00s. They are my original canon. The new movies are fun and absolutely gorgeous and I will enjoy them, but they do feel like some really nice fanfic to me. And I'll have fun watching Rebel One.
I have signed up for Big Bang, though we'll see how that goes. I've been awful about deadlines like that. I almost signed up for SinS this year, but I really wanted to try to finish some of my own existing work. I'm so bad about writing outside of swaps, I lack the discipline. But I have ideas I love and want to read. So I guess I will have to try to write them. So, Kei made me sign up for Camp NaNo. I need to do something. I also miss playing around in Photoshop.
It's too easy to get home from work, do house chores and then collapse and turn on the TV though...
Been a while since I've updated, hasn't it? I keep thinking about doing it, but sometimes I don't know what to share, so I've just kept passing it on for another day. Today's as good as any though.
Past six months have been really rough. Lived through a work situation that was absolutely insane in retrospect (hideously understaffed) and I didn't handle it well. Oh, I worked my ass off, my job and another person's. But I let it wreck my mental well being, I was as invested in it as an actual manager and that was not my job. I need to be more careful to not let that happen again, not to that level. It's better now, but it mostly feels like the calm before the storm again. See how the next few months play out. I'll either be going to the next level at this place as assistant manager or moving on to somewhere else. Both has its pros and cons and nothing's definite yet.
I was absolutely longing for my vacation in May and made huge plans for the beach and day drinking and just having fun and being irresponsible, but spent the entire vacation feeling very ill, unable to eat, horrible night pains and thinking I had an ulcer. Nothing I did helped, so when I got back from vacation, I went to the doctor and found I had massive inflammation in my small intensines, which explained some of the serious pain I was dealing with. Got to spend a couple days in the hospital and deal with tests - had a Crohn's disease scare, but the results came back clear. Cannot explain what getting those results felt like - relief! But I feel really cheated of a vacation that was wasted because of feeling like shit. I worked so hard for that.
I'm gonna be an aunt. I'm kind of excited about that, and it's lovely to watch my sister go through that whole process. And it's a boy, and I don't think I'm very good with boys, but I'd like to learn. Want to hold a baby and cuddle, but not in a 'have one of my own' way.
Personally? Feeling grey and flat most days. I need to find the power of positive thinking or something, but it's been a hard year, and it seems like the past 6 years have just progressively gotten worse. Need to find some way of taking joy in the small things. My professional drive is fine, but my personal drive is just - non-existant. I miss being creative and more cheerful and positive. And I know I need to figure out how to change that in myself because I can't depend on life to get better, just my reactions to it.
Fandom wise? I did the world's smallest volunteer job on the new OEAM site to upload some fics. I need to go through and check all my work - I think I've edited some pieces since then. I also should upload the stories i've written that are currently only archived on Ao3 - I'm used to my lj being my main archive and it still feels weird they aren't there. I am a bit sad at the thought of them having no comments though, lol.
I have been reading - Kindle is a godsend, because I can read on my ten minute breaks or my thirties, or a couple of chapters right before bed. Finished the Raven Cycle by Maggie Stiefvater and enjoyed it, but also really wished that the main characters were older. I know that YA is a huge deal and very important and has opened up a whole new world, but God, sometimes I do think it'd be vastly more interesting if they weren't under 18. Nevertheless, the concept is good, the writing is decent and I enjoy the characters, just want to see them with a few more years and maturity and life experience on them. Or maybe I'm just getting old.
I've noticed when I read more published work, my fanfiction reading drops off and then I cycle back into more fanfiction and less published stuff. But I eagerly await any update of Keiliss's The Pink Flamingo. I'm also reading some in Star Wars, my original heart fandom, though side pairings from new characters, and mostly gen from the original characters. It makes me happy to see that particular universe again, though I still love the books from the '90s and '00s. They are my original canon. The new movies are fun and absolutely gorgeous and I will enjoy them, but they do feel like some really nice fanfic to me. And I'll have fun watching Rebel One.
I have signed up for Big Bang, though we'll see how that goes. I've been awful about deadlines like that. I almost signed up for SinS this year, but I really wanted to try to finish some of my own existing work. I'm so bad about writing outside of swaps, I lack the discipline. But I have ideas I love and want to read. So I guess I will have to try to write them. So, Kei made me sign up for Camp NaNo. I need to do something. I also miss playing around in Photoshop.
It's too easy to get home from work, do house chores and then collapse and turn on the TV though...