red_lasbelin | hey there, world

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hey there, world

So - I'm alive. Which is an old joke, but I had a health issue last month, so it is relevant. :D

Been a while since I've updated, hasn't it? I keep thinking about doing it, but sometimes I don't know what to share, so I've just kept passing it on for another day. Today's as good as any though.

Past six months have been really rough. Lived through a work situation that was absolutely insane in retrospect (hideously understaffed) and I didn't handle it well. Oh, I worked my ass off, my job and another person's. But I let it wreck my mental well being, I was as invested in it as an actual manager and that was not my job. I need to be more careful to not let that happen again, not to that level. It's better now, but it mostly feels like the calm before the storm again. See how the next few months play out. I'll either be going to the next level at this place as assistant manager or moving on to somewhere else. Both has its pros and cons and nothing's definite yet.

I was absolutely longing for my vacation in May and made huge plans for the beach and day drinking and just having fun and being irresponsible, but spent the entire vacation feeling very ill, unable to eat, horrible night pains and thinking I had an ulcer. Nothing I did helped, so when I got back from vacation, I went to the doctor and found I had massive inflammation in my small intensines, which explained some of the serious pain I was dealing with. Got to spend a couple days in the hospital and deal with tests - had a Crohn's disease scare, but the results came back clear. Cannot explain what getting those results felt like - relief! But I feel really cheated of a vacation that was wasted because of feeling like shit. I worked so hard for that.

I'm gonna be an aunt. I'm kind of excited about that, and it's lovely to watch my sister go through that whole process. And it's a boy, and I don't think I'm very good with boys, but I'd like to learn. Want to hold a baby and cuddle, but not in a 'have one of my own' way.

Personally? Feeling grey and flat most days. I need to find the power of positive thinking or something, but it's been a hard year, and it seems like the past 6 years have just progressively gotten worse. Need to find some way of taking joy in the small things. My professional drive is fine, but my personal drive is just - non-existant. I miss being creative and more cheerful and positive. And I know I need to figure out how to change that in myself because I can't depend on life to get better, just my reactions to it.

Fandom wise? I did the world's smallest volunteer job on the new OEAM site to upload some fics. I need to go through and check all my work - I think I've edited some pieces since then. I also should upload the stories i've written that are currently only archived on Ao3 - I'm used to my lj being my main archive and it still feels weird they aren't there. I am a bit sad at the thought of them having no comments though, lol.

I have been reading - Kindle is a godsend, because I can read on my ten minute breaks or my thirties, or a couple of chapters right before bed. Finished the Raven Cycle by Maggie Stiefvater and enjoyed it, but also really wished that the main characters were older. I know that YA is a huge deal and very important and has opened up a whole new world, but God, sometimes I do think it'd be vastly more interesting if they weren't under 18. Nevertheless, the concept is good, the writing is decent and I enjoy the characters, just want to see them with a few more years and maturity and life experience on them. Or maybe I'm just getting old.

I've noticed when I read more published work, my fanfiction reading drops off and then I cycle back into more fanfiction and less published stuff. But I eagerly await any update of Keiliss's The Pink Flamingo. I'm also reading some in Star Wars, my original heart fandom, though side pairings from new characters, and mostly gen from the original characters. It makes me happy to see that particular universe again, though I still love the books from the '90s and '00s. They are my original canon. The new movies are fun and absolutely gorgeous and I will enjoy them, but they do feel like some really nice fanfic to me. And I'll have fun watching Rebel One.

I have signed up for Big Bang, though we'll see how that goes. I've been awful about deadlines like that. I almost signed up for SinS this year, but I really wanted to try to finish some of my own existing work. I'm so bad about writing outside of swaps, I lack the discipline. But I have ideas I love and want to read. So I guess I will have to try to write them. So, Kei made me sign up for Camp NaNo. I need to do something. I also miss playing around in Photoshop.

It's too easy to get home from work, do house chores and then collapse and turn on the TV though...

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Hi *waves* I hope you are feeling better now.

I read alot too, and like you my kindle is a god send, alternating between that, real books and fan fiction. I have to print out the fan fiction though as I can't read the computer screen for long periods. I'm currently immersed in a new fandom which is fun.

I hope work improves for you too. I haven't worked in a year and am really weighing up the pros and cons of waiting around for the college to give me classes.

Take care

Thanks, Faith! And it's so good to see you around, I've thought of you ever so often and wondered if you were alright.

New fandoms are always fun - get to wallow in all the new fic, the enthusiasm, the glee of it all. Thank God for reading, it is one of the joys of life, honestly. I'm glad between the kindle, computer, books and print outs that you are getting plenty of it!

Do you miss work or is it nice to have a break?

Yeah I'm alright, the last 18 months have been difficult emotionally and not having someone to just talk things out with is hard, but I seem to be coming to the end of this particular rollercoaster ride (next one starts.......)

Yeah I'm really enjoying the new fandom, the kinds of stories I'm reading are very different from the LOTR and Matrix ones I'd read in the past. The style of writing is very different too, explicit but in a nicer way if you see what I mean, it may still be m/m but it's somehow more intense without using very base(crude) language though there is some of that too. Descriptions are detailed but leave some to the imagination which is good. Sorry rambling here.

I would hate to go deaf but I could deal with it but to be without my sight and not beable to hold a book in my hand would I think Kill me.

The break from work has been nice and to be honest I'm not sure I want to go back to it. Being at home is nice and being able to do what I want when I want is something I've really got used to, lol I am clearing my house via ebay so that occupies me alot, so I can't say I really miss it. I'm 60 this year and the college would be retiring me anyway by next summer.

Hi! So glad to see you around (not that I'm pointing fingers, since I've not been good at all with posting myself).

I was really sorry for you, reading about your holiday. It's so disappointing not to be able to really enjoy a hard-won vacay. :( I'm glad the rest was just a scare. I hope it's all fully healed now.

I hear you when you say it feels like the calm before the storm. I went through something like that at my job. It's definitely better now, but I'm still waiting for the sky to come crashing down any day now.

A baby boy! That's so good! You'll love a little boy. When I got pregnant I was thinking something along the same lines - I'd know what to do with a girl but a little boy would be a mystery - probably a loud, raucous mystery. It's lovely and worth every moment. My (not so) little (anymore) boy loves both his aunts and drags them into all sorts of adventures (and loves to help out in cooking and other homely stuff).

Good luck with the writing! I'm so behind my writing goals for this year, but at least the OEAM is almost done, and it's thanks to everyone who helped, no matter how large or small their contribute was. Thanks.

I know, we've both been awful about updating sometimes, but isn't life like that?

I'll get over the holiday eventually - I need to plan my next one to help me. :D I was so relieved when I got the results back and I found it was just a one time thing. I'm almost back to normal, but I'm a horribly impatient person and keep pushing things.

I'm encouraged by you about the boy thing - and they start small too, it isn't until they get bigger that things get more difficult. Hopefully he's as sweet as Tiago seems to be. :)

Thank you - I have barely done anything about the writing yet. I am finding it so hard to settle. Congrats for almost finishing the OEAM Big Bang - you can do it!

The calm is over, btw, they gave us a huge workload on top of our regular work while telling us to control labor more tightly. *sigh*

It's good to hear from you. I totally understand the kick in the behind necessary to get going on personal creativity. I'm so sorry you basically lost your vacation - or at least the enjoyment in it. I am very grateful that it didn't turn into something more serious, though.

I have always switched back and forth from published fiction to fan-fiction and back again. Right now I'm deeply in to published fiction, so my reading fan-fiction has dropped off considerably. There are only so many hours in the day and I have to make a choice.

I hope things improve for you at work. It's rather miserable when a place that you spend so many hours at isn't welcoming and challenging.

- Erulisse (one L)

I'm really grateful about it not being worse too - and I should keep that in mind when I want to whinge about the lost enjoyment.

I think it's interesting how you switch between published work and fanfic as well. I wonder if that's a general thing people do or if there are people who can read lots of both simultaneously.

It's the corporate people - really good at overloading their good people and then wondering why everyone burns out and quits - which leads to more stress on existing people who are getting better and more burn out. It's this ugly little cycle.

Thanks for the comment, Erulisse!

Sounds like you have a lot going on. We learn from our experience so keep that in mind. Now you know how to handle that and so will handle it better in the future.

I wish you were doing SiS! Wahh!

Yes, you are quite right. The last six months have been crazy but I have grown quite a lot. I'm better equipped to deal with challenges and my perspective has shifted too. But gosh, it was awful, lol.

I'm sorry for not joining you this time! It feels really weird not to. I need to work on trying to write more so I can finish this and make it all worth it.

I'll still be checking on all your posts and cheering you on!

Glad to hear the health issue wasn't worse than it was. Job situations like that can be absolutely soul-destroying.Stress can definitely bring on bowel troubles. What do you have to do for the inflammation?
Thanks for helping with the OEAM site. I started out moving my own fics, and then helped Alex and Tal in moving a lot of others. It was fun, actually, felt like i was accomplishing something, but required little brain power, which is about my level of activity these days.

Congrats on being an aunt too.

Edited 2016-07-02 18:41 (UTC)

Awww, thank you, Elfscribe!

On one hand, I have definitely grown a ton in a short period of time, on the other, it was definitely a thrown in the pool and see if you can swim situation, which was infinitely stressful. Trying to manage it better now, though they never seem to run out of new stresses for me.

I was on a low fiber diet for a month and on two antibiotics, even after the doses they gave me at the hospital. Still not quite normal, but better. They wanted to diagnosis me with Crohn's but the results came back clear.

And thank you for helping with the OEAM site too! Such a big job to do and I know you helped out plenty. It is nice work, no stress, and not very intensive, like you said. I hear you on that being your level of activity. After work, that's all I feel like too, not even that sometimes.

So sorry about how late this reply is.

I'm so sorry you were ill, Red. I've had a couple of health-related bumps in the road over the last several years. They are no fun! I just take for granted that my body will work and when it doesn't I'm always shocked. I mean, it's not like I'm getting older, or anything. ; ) Anyway, I'm glad you're back on your feet.

I wanted to sign up for SinS, but I have GOT to finish my OEAM BB, and I can't do both - not with my current schedule.

I'll keep good thoughts for the job situation. My job is really stressful at the moment because it's all so new and it's coming at me at a breakneck pace. But, I'll get there.

I hear you on the body thing. I expect it to do what I need and sometimes I am surprised or not very nice when it doesn't cooperate. I hope you're doing well though. Getting older sucks.

I am impressed you are doing OEAM with the move and the new job! I hope you can join us for MSV later though. ;)

Good luck at your work - I always called that sort of situation 'drinking from a firehose'! You're very capable though and will get a handle on things soon.

Sorry about the lateness - the past week was nuts, and this week is shaping up to be the same too *sighs*

Hello! :D I'm not sure how I ended up here, but I did.

OMG - RIINA!!!!

Hi!! *waves* how are you?

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