life update
Jan. 29th, 2017 09:14 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
red_lasbelinI checked when I last updated my LJ and I knew it had been a while, but I did not realize that it hadn't been since October - ouch. So this is long over-due. It was a rough end of year for me, which was partly why I was so quiet. It isn't that I want to disengage from here, but when I get overwhelmed interaction on LJ is usually the first thing to go.
Going to go ahead and stick this behind a cut as it's personal.
So in October, I hit an all time low in my health - I lost about fifteen pounds because my body's digestive system was so out of whack, and I dealt with an autoimmune disorder reaction that affected my legs - and have left physical scars as it damaged the fatty tissue in my legs. My work situation at the time blew up as they removed my manager and left me in charge of the store without giving me actual authority to run the store for two weeks. Chaos insued. I put in my two weeks notice, but ended up staying on because I desperately needed the health insurance for a majorly expensive antibotic. I then reduced my hours to the minimum needed for the health insurance and they sent a new assistant manager to help out with running the store. It helped a lot, and gave me a chance to get away to Panama City to go sit at the beach for a while. I didn't do much with that vacation, I literally just sat around and listened to the water and tried to heal.
Then I came right back into the Christmas season, when our sales almost double and my hours creeped back up. I find December really exhausting in this line of work. It's really hard to be in a Christmas mood when you're overwhelmed with the general public - who often get more stressed and cranky the closer the holiday itself comes. It brings out the best and the worst in people (but most frequently the worst.) I'm happy I managed to get the sign-ups and everything out while trying to navigate the heavy workload and all the family obligations.
This past month has been an heavy workload again - there's been around of sickness that's hit everyone in my area in general - the fluctating weather doesn't help, so I've been covering shifts. I was also sounded out for moving up to an assistant manager - which is a job position I've already been doing for a year now, unnoticed, because this company's structure is a nightmare and they've been rapidly expanding and are now overextending. And because of this over-extension, would mean I'd be running a store as an assistant manager, not as an actual general manager (not getting the pay or the title, but doing the job). And working there 60+ hours. I'm just not sure my body can take it.
So I'm going to pass on the promotion, which means we'll have yet another manager in my store (I've been there two years, we've gone through four, none of which are still with the company - they've all burnt out and left for other things). And I've put a lot of time, love and blood, sweat and tears into this store, but I think it's just too much now. And it hurts to walk away, but I think for my physical health and mental health, I'm going to have to. The company's just really unstable in this region and they are burning out all the good people.
So - going to be job hunting pretty soon. And I need something that's kinder on my wrists and feet. But it also means taking a pay cut and insurance being up in the air for a bit. Not looking forward to that. But I think it's the best thing for me right now. See how it all goes.
I've been reading a book called Faith Shift, which has been eye-opening for me. It deals mostly with leaving a rigid, structure and culture based religion (weighted to Christianity, but could be applied to others as well) - very conservative Christianity in my case, and what the process looks like, all the stages. It really showed me that the stuff I've been dealing with - in small ways, since 2004, and in big ways, since 2010 - is really not exclusive to me, that I'm not alone, that many people have gone through the same thing I have, in a similiar but unique to themselves way. I'm on a journey, it's scary and sometimes very isolating and I don't know where I'm going to end up. But I'm really lucky to have a few supportive friends, who understand and don't judge me as I'm shedding beliefs and culture and figuring out what I really do believe in and asking hard questions. One of the most difficult things is realizing that to a lot of questions, my answer is just 'I don't know' and I come from a background where there is always an answer for everything, and if you don't know, it's a lacking/failure on your part to not find the answer.
I still don't know where my journey ends - if it's in Agnosticism, or a more liberal branch of Christianity or something all together different. And that's a bit scary. But I'm walking the road and we'll see where that goes.
But in other, brighter news - I am proud of myself - I did manage to write a story for the MPTT Yule swap called Salt. It was for Keiliss and featured one of her OTPs, Erestor/Gil-galad. I'm happy with how it turned out, but lord it is intimidating to write Gil-galad for her, the Queen of Gil fics. Now if I could just manage to write something this year, I'll be doing pretty good.
Sorry for the long absence! I will try to be better. My one and only New Year's resolution is to make my bed every morning. It's something I've never mastered as child or an adult. I'm proud of myself, I'm actually doing great on that score.
No talk about politics this round, other than to say WTF, America.
Going to go ahead and stick this behind a cut as it's personal.
So in October, I hit an all time low in my health - I lost about fifteen pounds because my body's digestive system was so out of whack, and I dealt with an autoimmune disorder reaction that affected my legs - and have left physical scars as it damaged the fatty tissue in my legs. My work situation at the time blew up as they removed my manager and left me in charge of the store without giving me actual authority to run the store for two weeks. Chaos insued. I put in my two weeks notice, but ended up staying on because I desperately needed the health insurance for a majorly expensive antibotic. I then reduced my hours to the minimum needed for the health insurance and they sent a new assistant manager to help out with running the store. It helped a lot, and gave me a chance to get away to Panama City to go sit at the beach for a while. I didn't do much with that vacation, I literally just sat around and listened to the water and tried to heal.
Then I came right back into the Christmas season, when our sales almost double and my hours creeped back up. I find December really exhausting in this line of work. It's really hard to be in a Christmas mood when you're overwhelmed with the general public - who often get more stressed and cranky the closer the holiday itself comes. It brings out the best and the worst in people (but most frequently the worst.) I'm happy I managed to get the sign-ups and everything out while trying to navigate the heavy workload and all the family obligations.
This past month has been an heavy workload again - there's been around of sickness that's hit everyone in my area in general - the fluctating weather doesn't help, so I've been covering shifts. I was also sounded out for moving up to an assistant manager - which is a job position I've already been doing for a year now, unnoticed, because this company's structure is a nightmare and they've been rapidly expanding and are now overextending. And because of this over-extension, would mean I'd be running a store as an assistant manager, not as an actual general manager (not getting the pay or the title, but doing the job). And working there 60+ hours. I'm just not sure my body can take it.
So I'm going to pass on the promotion, which means we'll have yet another manager in my store (I've been there two years, we've gone through four, none of which are still with the company - they've all burnt out and left for other things). And I've put a lot of time, love and blood, sweat and tears into this store, but I think it's just too much now. And it hurts to walk away, but I think for my physical health and mental health, I'm going to have to. The company's just really unstable in this region and they are burning out all the good people.
So - going to be job hunting pretty soon. And I need something that's kinder on my wrists and feet. But it also means taking a pay cut and insurance being up in the air for a bit. Not looking forward to that. But I think it's the best thing for me right now. See how it all goes.
I've been reading a book called Faith Shift, which has been eye-opening for me. It deals mostly with leaving a rigid, structure and culture based religion (weighted to Christianity, but could be applied to others as well) - very conservative Christianity in my case, and what the process looks like, all the stages. It really showed me that the stuff I've been dealing with - in small ways, since 2004, and in big ways, since 2010 - is really not exclusive to me, that I'm not alone, that many people have gone through the same thing I have, in a similiar but unique to themselves way. I'm on a journey, it's scary and sometimes very isolating and I don't know where I'm going to end up. But I'm really lucky to have a few supportive friends, who understand and don't judge me as I'm shedding beliefs and culture and figuring out what I really do believe in and asking hard questions. One of the most difficult things is realizing that to a lot of questions, my answer is just 'I don't know' and I come from a background where there is always an answer for everything, and if you don't know, it's a lacking/failure on your part to not find the answer.
I still don't know where my journey ends - if it's in Agnosticism, or a more liberal branch of Christianity or something all together different. And that's a bit scary. But I'm walking the road and we'll see where that goes.
But in other, brighter news - I am proud of myself - I did manage to write a story for the MPTT Yule swap called Salt. It was for Keiliss and featured one of her OTPs, Erestor/Gil-galad. I'm happy with how it turned out, but lord it is intimidating to write Gil-galad for her, the Queen of Gil fics. Now if I could just manage to write something this year, I'll be doing pretty good.
Sorry for the long absence! I will try to be better. My one and only New Year's resolution is to make my bed every morning. It's something I've never mastered as child or an adult. I'm proud of myself, I'm actually doing great on that score.
No talk about politics this round, other than to say WTF, America.
