Red (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
red_lasbelin) wrote2022-09-22 08:52 pm
red_lasbelin) wrote2022-09-22 08:52 pm
update
Still here. It's not been easy, this past month, but my goal is to spend more time engaging and being around. My world's been in an uproar for a variety of reasons, none the least Kei's passing. I want to talk to her every day.
My work life has been chaos, which has been distracting. I'm reasonably proud of myself for having a decently clean apartment and groceries in the fridge. I'm worried about the winter coming - I deal with seasonal depression pretty bad, but I'm determined to make it through because I know Kei would not want me to dissolve into a mess.
Thank you everyone for the birthday wishes - I think I missed some for sure. I tried to go back through LJ/DW's friends feed and realized there was a cut off so I lost some posts. I can't remember if it always worked like that or if this is new. My deepest apologies if I missed something, it was definitely not intended.
I also have some important things to do, like update Kei's website so it's complete. I need to write again. I signed up for Zhie's Scribbles and Drabbles event back when she was in the hospital because I knew she would want me to - she always encouraged my writing even though I found many reasons to put it on the back-burner. She also gifted me several important ficlets for my birthday last year, and it was always her intention for me to beta them and her post them. Part of me wants to hold onto them privately forever, but I don't think that's what she'd want.
We were supposed to talk about what she wanted done with her fandom legacy - I told her we'd have to talk about that the last time I ever spoke to her and she agreed. But I didn't know I'd never speak to her again. I'm going to have to make some best guesses as to what she'd want. I'm going to keep her website up as long as I can afford the hosting. I'm going to run MSV again this year because she would haunt me if I didn't.
At some point, I am going to do a little post about my South Africa trip - not so much about the funeral, but some of the lovely memories I have. (Special shout out toanerea - there is no hyperbole when I say she is an amazing, generously warm human being who helped me immensely.) Eventually I might even make a post that isn't about Kei, but I'm still trying to process a world without her.
My work life has been chaos, which has been distracting. I'm reasonably proud of myself for having a decently clean apartment and groceries in the fridge. I'm worried about the winter coming - I deal with seasonal depression pretty bad, but I'm determined to make it through because I know Kei would not want me to dissolve into a mess.
Thank you everyone for the birthday wishes - I think I missed some for sure. I tried to go back through LJ/DW's friends feed and realized there was a cut off so I lost some posts. I can't remember if it always worked like that or if this is new. My deepest apologies if I missed something, it was definitely not intended.
I also have some important things to do, like update Kei's website so it's complete. I need to write again. I signed up for Zhie's Scribbles and Drabbles event back when she was in the hospital because I knew she would want me to - she always encouraged my writing even though I found many reasons to put it on the back-burner. She also gifted me several important ficlets for my birthday last year, and it was always her intention for me to beta them and her post them. Part of me wants to hold onto them privately forever, but I don't think that's what she'd want.
We were supposed to talk about what she wanted done with her fandom legacy - I told her we'd have to talk about that the last time I ever spoke to her and she agreed. But I didn't know I'd never speak to her again. I'm going to have to make some best guesses as to what she'd want. I'm going to keep her website up as long as I can afford the hosting. I'm going to run MSV again this year because she would haunt me if I didn't.
At some point, I am going to do a little post about my South Africa trip - not so much about the funeral, but some of the lovely memories I have. (Special shout out to
anerea - there is no hyperbole when I say she is an amazing, generously warm human being who helped me immensely.) Eventually I might even make a post that isn't about Kei, but I'm still trying to process a world without her.
no subject
I need to mark the writing deadlines on my calendar and bug a friend to write with me so I can get started on it. I have your drawing as physical inspiration as well, which is quite wonderful. :)
Meeting you was a reminder of how amazing fandom can be in bringing people from all over the world together and forming friendships. I would dearly love to see you again and plan to do so when I am able to come to your part of the world again.
Thank you for your continuing kindness!
no subject
I can only imagine how different and not-nearly-as-nice it feels to interact in fandom with her. And at the same time, I do hope you receive comfort and nurture through continuing.
I'm here to bug and be bugged about writing, and if we can find a common spot in our time zones and schedules, I'd love to write with you. And I love that you picked my Scribbles & Drabbles art to write for and that I it was a pencil drawing so I was able to give you the original.
Sending huge hugs from the deep Deep South!