Kei

[red_lasbelin]

M emailed me and said that Kei passed away at 12am Cape Town time. She was admitted to the hospital July 20th for what we thought was persistent pneumonia. They decided to do a CT scan as they thought it was potentially a blood clot in the lung. The CT revealed a large mass in one of her lungs in addition to the pnemonia and multiple lesions on her lymph nodes. She also had a lump on her very upper leg, which they did a biopsy on.

On July 26th, we got the results that it was stage 4 lung cancer. This was her worst nightmare come to life. I got to talk to her in the middle of the night for a couple of hours on July 29th.

She did five days of radiation in the hopes of shrinking the mass enough for her to be able to mechanically breathe better — this was keeping her on oxygen. The hope was that she would recover from the radiation at home and have a chance to get strong for chemotherapy, though at stage 4 the discussion was about trying to buy time more than cure it.

I was sitting in the passport agency office when M emailed me and told they were trying to get palliative care cover in place so Kei could go home in the end. I was so lost at that point — there was nothing I could do at that point to get to Cape Town any faster.

I know she didn't want to battle cancer again, I know that the last months would have been very, very difficult for her. 

I am just — devastated. I do not have words for how devastated I am for her family and for the fact that I am never going to be able to talk to her again or hold her hand — I so desperately wanted to hold her hand. 

I did not get to say goodbye. 

Comments

[ysilme]

Oh red, I'm beyond words, I've hoped so desperately. My heart is with her family, and with you.

[grey_gazania]

I'm so sorry to hear this. You and her family are in my thoughts.

[grundyscribbling]

Oh, no. I am so sorry.
*hugs*

[independence1776]

I don't even know what to say, Red. I am so very sorry for you and her family. May her memory be a blessing.

[anerea]

Oh Red. I have no words right now ... just ... holding you, and Kei, and her family in love and light...

[melusine6619]

Oh no! No. I'm so sorry. My heart goes out to her family, and to you.

[elennalore]

Oh, I’m so sorry for you and her family. I remember her from fandom events and will greatly miss her.

[spiced_wine]

I am so so sorry. Kei was one of the first people I knew in the fandom and always such a lovely and encouraging person.

I am so desperately sorry for you, her family and everyone who knew her.

[alexcat]

I am so sorry, Red. I have no other words right now.

[bunn]

I am so very sorry. Am thinking of you and her family.

[erulissedances]

*Hugs*. You know my feelings, and I'm still weeping, more than an hour after I first read your post.

- Erulisse (one L)

[narya_flame]

I am so sorry, Red. Love and light to you and to her family.

[hhimring]

I am so very sorry for your loss and that you did not get to say goodbye. But she knew well how much you wanted to.

We are all diminished by this day and nevertheless so very much enriched by having known her.

[elfscribe5]

Oh no, Red! Devastating news. I am so so sorry to hear this. Am sorry too that it happened so quickly and that you didn't get to say goodbye when you tried so valiantly. I am sorry for her pain. I'm sorry to lose her and her talent and wisdom. I'm sorry for the fandom to which she gave so much. I just . . .wish it could have been different and not happened. She's gone much too soon. So very sad.

[minuial_nuwing]

I still have no words. My heart aches for you and her family. My tears are for all of us.

**loves**

[pandemonium_213]

This is a gut-punch. Such a terrible loss for her family, her friends, and those of us in fandom who adored her. My deepest condolences.

[vanilla_elf]

I'm so very sorry to read this, and I wish I could do more than just offer you and her family my heart-felt condolences. Keiliss and I have "just" been people reading each others works, and I write "just" because it was so much more than just. Her writing - and your contribution to it - have brought me such immeasurable joy through the years, at times when I really needed it the most. I wish I had expressed that more often. Yeah, I really - I'm speechless, and I so wished there was something I could say that would help, but there are no words. There are no words. Be blessed.