Fic: Autumn Leaves - Haldir/Elladan - 3/3
Oct. 4th, 2011 05:40 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
red_lasbelinAuthor: Red Lasbelin (red.lasbelin@gmail.com)
Characters: Haldir, Elladan, Orophin, Rumil and OFC
Rating: soft R
Timeline: Er - somewhat early 3rd age?
Disclaimer: Not mine. I don't make any profit off this.
Beta: the incomparably fantastic![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
keiliss
Summary: Haldir's first summer in Imladris.
AN: And it's the final part. Hope you all enjoyed it!
Chapter 3
Over the next few weeks there were a lot of sights to be seen, though when Haldir looked back, he could hardly remember them all. All his spare time was spent learning about Elladan and Imladris. They rode through the town and out to the forests, Elladan showing him some of the trails leading into the Valley. They were all guarded, the legacy of the siege, but when Elladan took him they were allowed through and their horses picked their way up the trail to the top of the cliffs overlooking the valley.
They stopped and took in the view. Their break started innocently enough, but quickly devolved into kisses, which lingered and turned into more. The sun was slowly sinking by the time they stopped. Their horses grazed in the vicinity as they lay on the ground, their saddle bags for pillows, and watched the sunset.
“I was meant to be back in time for dinner, you know.” Elladan remarked idly, head comfortably resting on Haldir’s shoulder. “I suspect you were too.”
Haldir played with dark hair, picking a leaf out of it. “They won’t send out a search party, will they?”
“There’ll be some questions for both of us when we get back,” Elladan looked up at Haldir, “but I doubt a search party, haven’t had one sent out for me in years.”
“Oh? You’ve had a search party after you before?” Haldir asked, running fingers along his smooth, tanned neck.
Elladan leaned into the touch. “Once. Rohir and I went exploring when we were younger. Managed to get ourselves thoroughly lost. Father came out with Glorfindel and warriors to search the forest. We’d given up and thought we’d be spending the night in the forest. It was cold, I was tired and scared and unbelievably embarrassed when they found us.”
“You’ve got a healthy dose of pride – I can sympathize, got plenty of it myself.”
“It’s something we have in common, isn’t it?” Elladan laughed. “I told Father it would never happen again. I asked Glorfindel to take me out and teach me how not to lose my way again, and we spent a couple of months over the summer with him teaching me the valley.”
“Determined and resourceful. I like that.” Haldir looked up at the sky, the clouds and sun a burst of warm, multi-hued colours. There was quiet for a time, and when Haldir glanced back down, he saw Elladan looking at him thoughtfully. “What? Did I forget to comb my eyebrows or something?”
Elladan burst out laughing. “No, not at all. Though they are nicely full and thick,” he added with a touch of wickedness.
“You talk like it’s about something else. But I don’t recall you having full experience of that particularly.” Haldir grinned.
“Give me time,” Elladan retorted. He drew himself up with a hand on the saddlebags and looked down at Haldir, who moved to sit up with him. Elladan placed his hand on his chest in response. “No, stay. I want to ask you a question.”
“Hmm?” Haldir made a low questioning noise, eyes on Elladan’s face. He was relaxed, Elladan’s hand was warm, his look warmer, and Haldir found himself wishing the night lasted longer than it would.
“What happened?”
It was quietly asked, non-invasive. Haldir still tensed, before he willed himself to relax again. He knew Elladan felt it, but said nothing, only touching him gently.
“How do you mean?” He returned with a question, giving himself a little more time.
“You’re a study in contrasts, Hal. Self reliant and experienced, no nonsense when it comes to important things. But with this…” Elladan moved his hand to rest over Haldir’s heart, “….you’re uncertain of yourself, still learning. And I find it hard to believe that someone hasn’t come along to sweep you away.”
“I don’t have time to be swept away.” Haldir shrugged. “I still don’t, but this – this just is. For a time. My family needs me, I have responsibilities that take priority over what I want. We live in very different worlds, Dan, but that’s one area where I think we understand each other well.”
“Yes,” Elladan replied, simply. “It is what I was born into, though I’ve been blessed with parents who want me to be as happy with my life as I can and have given me space to just – be.”
“I’d envy you, but it’s a waste of emotion.” Haldir sat up and Elladan moved so they could sit together comfortably. “My father died,” he said, and the words hung out in the air for a moment. He heard Elladan’s intake of breath, and he knew Elladan was experiencing that moment of uncomfortable realization. He’d seen it before countless times in Lorien when he said as much. “My mother has never been the same since, and my brothers are young. It fell on me to do what was necessary. Not much time for a lover, not much space for one.”
Elladan nodded slowly, and Haldir felt a warm hand on his thigh, offering comfort. “That explains much. How…?”
“…did he pass? He was sent on a fact-finding trip, rumours of stragglers in Eregion.”
Elladan leaned forward, interest clear. “Yes, I recall something about that. Grandmother spoke in one of her letters of welcoming Eregion refugees to Lorien. I believe several also came to Imladris. They were doing really poorly, Father said it was good that they were found. But – several members of the team were lost.”
“It had been a hard winter, which ended too quickly. The thaw led to a mudslide, swept down from the mountains. My father and two others didn’t escape it in time.”
“That’s horrible,” Elladan said finally, after a moment of silence. “And your mother…?”
“It was really very sudden, we’ve had peace and – Lorien has been spared from most natural disasters. At least – at least during wartime, you know you could lose those who go. This – she wasn’t prepared for the outcome. In any way, shape or form.”
“Why didn’t she sail?”
“Didn’t want to leave us behind, and Orophin found the thought of Valinor scary – Rumil was too young to know what to think.”
“And you?” Elladan asked, quietly.
“It’s not my home.” Haldir said, “I’ll cross the sea some day and see my father again, but – I’m meant to be here.” He wasn’t sure where the surety came from, but he knew he was right in this. He stood up, offering Elladan his hand. “Come, we need to get back. You may know Imladris like the back of your hand, but I don’t feel up to groping my way around in the dark.”
Elladan rose, holding Haldir’s hand longer than necessary. They stood together for a moment of quiet companionship, before moving apart to gather their things. Haldir mounted his horse and watched Elladan do the same. He waited until Elladan was settled before saying, “Thank you.”
Elladan looked up from taking his reins. “For what?” he said, bemused.
“For this evening.” Haldir was unused to being this forthcoming about what he was feeling, but he knew it needed to be said. “For sweeping me away.”
Elladan’s mouth slowly drew into a full smile. “It’s my pleasure, Hal.”
----
Summer carried on, and the days they spent together passed by too quickly. Haldir would get homesick sometimes, but Elladan was often there with things to do, or armed with distracting kisses. They spent time with Elrohir and Arwen as well, the three of them were quite close and Haldir appreciated that. Haldir wasn’t sure he’d ever get used to talking to Lord Elrond and Lady Celebrian, however, and the first time he was introduced to them by Dan, he thought he was going to be ill. But there was no disapproval, no judgment from either of Elladan’s parents, and Haldir slowly relaxed in their welcoming presence.
He wrote letters to his family and paid the fee to send them whenever a messenger left for Lorien. He went a long time without hearing anything in return, but finally an elf came back with messages for him. He waited until after dinner to read them, then Elladan invited him to his rooms and Haldir accepted. He liked Ria, but Elladan had his rooms to himself. Especially after Elrohir walked in on them – his habit of going in Elladan’s room without warning changed quickly after that. Arwen was more intuitive – she always knocked. Haldir thought sometimes girls were just smarter.
“Who sent them?” Elladan sprawled out on his bed, propping his head up with an elbow and watching Haldir.
Haldir settled on the bed beside Elladan and pulled the paper out of the leather satchel. He checked the handwriting on each. “Calen and….” His face broke into a smile, “Ru. Look at his handwriting.”
Elladan looked over his shoulder. “Well it’s much better than mine at his age. Our teacher almost resigned over my handwriting. Calen? Who is he?”
“Best friend,” Haldir said absently, reading. “And I’ve seen your handwriting, it’s very good.”
“Damn well better be, after all the hours I put into it. Father said I at least needed legible writing if I was going to take over in his stead someday.” Elladan kissed the side of Haldir’s neck. “Is everything well?”
“Yes, thank Yavanna. He writes that my mother is well and my brothers are doing a good job of making sure everything’s done in my absence.” The knot, formed in his chest when he saw he had news of home, loosened with relief. “And Rumil told me all about school and asked me when I’m coming home.”
“Too soon,” Elladan said softly.
Haldir turned toward him, raising his arm and bringing it around Elladan’s shoulders. “I know. Time’s passing quickly.”
He watched Elladan determinedly smile. “Well then, let’s make the best of it.”
Framing his face with a hand, Haldir held him closely, memorizing how Elladan felt in his arms. Elladan was strong, handsome and kind – he didn’t think there would be anyone else like him. Some of that must have showed on his face because Elladan’s smile softened and he leaned in, kissing Haldir. Their mouths met and Haldir’s grip on him tightened, fingers winding in his hair as he kissed him back passionately.
He felt Elladan rub up against him and he broke their kiss long enough to laugh. “You’re insatiable!”
“No, I’m young,” Elladan said cheekily. “And you’re incredibly hot. That’s about all I need. And,” he reached down and cupped Haldir between his legs, “this says you feel the same.”
Haldir groaned and reached for Elladan’s wrist, but once there, he didn’t remove Elladan’s hand. Instead he rocked into the touch. Elladan smiled, kissing his bottom lip and giving a small nip. “You weren’t planning on going anywhere tonight, were you?”
“No, not going anywhere at all,” Haldir said breathlessly. “Not if you keep doing that.”
“Thought not.” Elladan’s reply was distinctly smug.
Haldir pushed him down on the bed, gently but firmly and put his messages on the little table by Elladan’s bed. “You’re a royal brat,” he told Elladan, before covering him with his own body and silencing any means of protest for now and a good while later.
----
The leaves began turning as autumn began. The vibrant greens of the forest turned to deep reds, rich oranges and earthy browns. It was unlike any autumn Haldir had ever seen, breathtaking and beautiful, and it was welcomed bitter sweetly. He knew his training drew to an end and his return trip home was coming closer with each passing day. He both longed for the day and wished it wouldn’t come. He missed home, but here he had found something just for himself, a world of his own, shared with Elladan.
Elladan didn’t speak of him leaving, it stood between them, noticed but unremarked. He didn’t know what could be said, they both knew how this would end. The same things that Haldir believed drew them together so tightly kept them apart – love of their home, love of family, duty and honour.
Haldir endured Ria’s teasing when he moved his things from their shared room to Elladan’s, but it was worth it. In addition to the pleasure of Elladan’s company, there was a little balcony off the side of his rooms and Haldir had fallen in love with it. He greeted the dawn out there, Elladan often waking and joining him, standing together in the coolness of the morning. He had taken Elladan there, on the balcony floor, blanket hastily shoved underneath them, dark hair spread out against the grey stones, legs wrapped around his waist, fingers threaded through his own.
He stood there now on the eve of his departure as dusk fell. Haldir wasn’t able to leave the dining hall early, he was with his friends and fellow company members that night, but he and Elladan exchanged looks. Without verbal communication both slipped out as everyone moved to the Hall of Fire. Haldir made it to the rooms sooner than Elladan did. He didn’t know why, he was sure Dan knew every passageway and shortcut, known or otherwise secret, but it gave him time to absorb the quietness of the room.
He had made so many memories here. His belongings had slowly mixed in with Elladan’s, he learned to be comfortable with Elladan’s family, and he finally understood the rhythm in which Imladris moved, so different from his own home. But now he was packed up, Elladan’s bedroom was back to the way it was before. He wondered what Elladan’s future looked like now, if he would meet someone after Haldir left, what his own future would be like.
He was too lost in his thoughts to notice when Elladan came in, but he felt strong arms around him and a warm presence at his back. His hand grasped Elladan’s forearm and drew him around front, to Haldir’s sight.
“Took you long enough,” he said lightly.
Elladan smiled at him and slid his arms around Haldir’s neck. “I needed to get something. Miss me?”
“Of course. Miss you already.” Haldir leaned in and kissed him, tenderly but with an underlying knowledge of this being the last night. Elladan held onto him tighter, making a quiet noise in his throat.
“No, not now, not yet.”
Haldir instinctively moved to follow him when Elladan drew away and stopped himself. “No? Why not?”
“Because I have a gift.” Elladan pointed to a package on the bed that Haldir was sure hadn’t been there before. He moved to sit on the bed and touched the wrappings. It looked to be the most expensive gift Haldir had ever received. It wasn’t gaudy, but it was in the small things – the wrapping cloth was green silk, and it was tied with a silver ribbon. He could only imagine what was underneath.
“I can’t accept it, Dan,” he said very quietly. He felt keenly embarrassed, there was nothing left of his spending money and he wasn’t expecting this. “I have no gift for you.”
“I don’t need a gift in return, I just wanted to give this to you.” Elladan looked puzzled.
“I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking about farewell gifts…” Haldir felt a headache come on. It must have showed because Elladan quieted. Finally after some thought, he said, “You’ll come again to Imladris, won’t you?”
“Yes? But I don’t know when or for how long… there’s no way of knowing.” It was the reality of what lay between them, and they both knew it.
“You’ll be back some day. Or, more likely, I’ll be making a trip to Lorien to see my grandparents. You can give me your gift when you see me.”
“I don’t know what my life will look like by then,” Haldir told him bluntly. There were no great loves on his horizon that he knew of, but he was sure making ties between them was foolish, they lived in different worlds. Elladan would meet someone and life would go on. It hurt, but it was what it was.
“Nor I mine,” Elladan said, honesty between them. “No promises between us, there’s too much distance. Just a gift when next we meet. Something that makes you think of me like this makes me think of you.”
Haldir nodded, feeling a little better, though the embarrassment lingered still. At Elladan’s urging he opened the gift, moving silk away to reveal the wolf carving he had admired during their market day. It was as stunning as when he first saw it. The wolf sat back on his haunches, howling at an imaginary moon as the wind ruffled his fur. The wood was walnut, stained a dark rich brown.
“Dan, it’s gorgeous. Thank you.” He touched the carving, looked at it from all angles. “The knife work is amazing.” He didn’t say he had seen it and wanted it, but never would have bought it for himself. He thought perhaps Elladan knew that. “Why a wolf?” he asked curiously.
“Because you’re self-reliant but part of a pack, like they are. And bristly to people you don’t know,” Elladan grinned, “but very loyal to those you do know and care for.”
“Guilty as charged,” Haldir smiled. “Thank you, I will treasure it.”
Elladan moved closer. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think. Really did have no expectations of a gift and I’m not upset at all you didn’t get me one.”
“I know. It’s just – maybe I’m bad at receiving gifts,” Haldir shrugged, and Elladan lay back on the bed, smiling up at him. “Yes, I think you are. In fact, I think you should practice.”
Haldir set the carving and the silk on the nightstand. “How would I do that?”
Elladan stretched out on the bed and gave him a heated look. “Unwrap me.”
----
Haldir saw the Lorien forest stretching out before him and he knew he was home. He felt like he was coming back as a better person, more complete in himself. He had his family to protect and love and provide for, but he also had something that was his alone, a summer filled with adventures, laughter and sex, grey eyes and a wicked smile. Lying together in the dark, waiting for the sunrise and the journey, he had promised Elladan he’d never forget him. They weren’t empty words. Elladan meant very much to him. He opened a world for Haldir that he wouldn’t have had the time or the space for and made him feel more confident, more sure of himself.
The last leg of the journey went by almost in a blur. Looking back on the trip, all he would remember was noting the golden leaves signaling full autumn and then seeing his family again. They were gathered at the first post within the city limits, his mother standing there with Rumil on her hip and Orophin beside her. Orophin had grown another couple of inches – Haldir figured he’d be the tallest of the family very soon. Rumil wriggled down from his mother’s grip as soon as Haldir dismounted.
“You’re back, you came back!” Rumil said happily, hugging him around his legs.
“Yes, Ru, I promised I would.” He hoisted Rumil up in his arms and hugged him, Rumil throwing his arms around his neck. He saw out of the corner of his eye his mother inconspicuously wipe away a tear, but when her glance met his, she was smiling. Orophin noticed as well, bringing a hand to her shoulder.
“Did you bring me presents?” Haldir was distracted from his mother by Rumil’s blunt question.
“Rumil!” his mother said sharply, but couldn’t quite suppress the smile.
“Yes, Ru, of course I have presents. I have a present for everyone.”
“Oh good,” Rumil replied contentedly, leaning his head on Haldir’s shoulder.
“Did you enjoy your trip?” Orophin asked with clear interest. “What was it like?”
“Exciting? Imladris is really a wonderful place. I met Lord Elrond and talked to Lady Celebrian and their children too…”
“Oh my,” his mother said, raising a hand to her mouth. “Well, you need to tell us about that over dinner. Oro, help him with his bags, Ru - he’s had a long journey, get down.”
“No!” Rumil hugged Haldir tighter and Haldir shook his head. “It’s all right, Nana, but Ru, next time your mother asks you to do something, you need to do it.”
“Sorry.”
Between the four of them, they gathered up Haldir’s belongings. Ria took the reins of Haldir’s horse and said she’d stable him. He thanked her gratefully and they started to head to their flet.
Haldir was home. He’d tell them about his adventures and a little about Elladan, but the full knowledge was something too precious to share, too close to the bone still. He would keep it for himself, something to remember and smile over. He had a gift to find as well. No promises, he understood that. The future remained unknown. But at the very least, he’d gained a summer lover and a friend in the most unlikely of places.
Finis
Characters: Haldir, Elladan, Orophin, Rumil and OFC
Rating: soft R
Timeline: Er - somewhat early 3rd age?
Disclaimer: Not mine. I don't make any profit off this.
Beta: the incomparably fantastic
keilissSummary: Haldir's first summer in Imladris.
AN: And it's the final part. Hope you all enjoyed it!
Over the next few weeks there were a lot of sights to be seen, though when Haldir looked back, he could hardly remember them all. All his spare time was spent learning about Elladan and Imladris. They rode through the town and out to the forests, Elladan showing him some of the trails leading into the Valley. They were all guarded, the legacy of the siege, but when Elladan took him they were allowed through and their horses picked their way up the trail to the top of the cliffs overlooking the valley.
They stopped and took in the view. Their break started innocently enough, but quickly devolved into kisses, which lingered and turned into more. The sun was slowly sinking by the time they stopped. Their horses grazed in the vicinity as they lay on the ground, their saddle bags for pillows, and watched the sunset.
“I was meant to be back in time for dinner, you know.” Elladan remarked idly, head comfortably resting on Haldir’s shoulder. “I suspect you were too.”
Haldir played with dark hair, picking a leaf out of it. “They won’t send out a search party, will they?”
“There’ll be some questions for both of us when we get back,” Elladan looked up at Haldir, “but I doubt a search party, haven’t had one sent out for me in years.”
“Oh? You’ve had a search party after you before?” Haldir asked, running fingers along his smooth, tanned neck.
Elladan leaned into the touch. “Once. Rohir and I went exploring when we were younger. Managed to get ourselves thoroughly lost. Father came out with Glorfindel and warriors to search the forest. We’d given up and thought we’d be spending the night in the forest. It was cold, I was tired and scared and unbelievably embarrassed when they found us.”
“You’ve got a healthy dose of pride – I can sympathize, got plenty of it myself.”
“It’s something we have in common, isn’t it?” Elladan laughed. “I told Father it would never happen again. I asked Glorfindel to take me out and teach me how not to lose my way again, and we spent a couple of months over the summer with him teaching me the valley.”
“Determined and resourceful. I like that.” Haldir looked up at the sky, the clouds and sun a burst of warm, multi-hued colours. There was quiet for a time, and when Haldir glanced back down, he saw Elladan looking at him thoughtfully. “What? Did I forget to comb my eyebrows or something?”
Elladan burst out laughing. “No, not at all. Though they are nicely full and thick,” he added with a touch of wickedness.
“You talk like it’s about something else. But I don’t recall you having full experience of that particularly.” Haldir grinned.
“Give me time,” Elladan retorted. He drew himself up with a hand on the saddlebags and looked down at Haldir, who moved to sit up with him. Elladan placed his hand on his chest in response. “No, stay. I want to ask you a question.”
“Hmm?” Haldir made a low questioning noise, eyes on Elladan’s face. He was relaxed, Elladan’s hand was warm, his look warmer, and Haldir found himself wishing the night lasted longer than it would.
“What happened?”
It was quietly asked, non-invasive. Haldir still tensed, before he willed himself to relax again. He knew Elladan felt it, but said nothing, only touching him gently.
“How do you mean?” He returned with a question, giving himself a little more time.
“You’re a study in contrasts, Hal. Self reliant and experienced, no nonsense when it comes to important things. But with this…” Elladan moved his hand to rest over Haldir’s heart, “….you’re uncertain of yourself, still learning. And I find it hard to believe that someone hasn’t come along to sweep you away.”
“I don’t have time to be swept away.” Haldir shrugged. “I still don’t, but this – this just is. For a time. My family needs me, I have responsibilities that take priority over what I want. We live in very different worlds, Dan, but that’s one area where I think we understand each other well.”
“Yes,” Elladan replied, simply. “It is what I was born into, though I’ve been blessed with parents who want me to be as happy with my life as I can and have given me space to just – be.”
“I’d envy you, but it’s a waste of emotion.” Haldir sat up and Elladan moved so they could sit together comfortably. “My father died,” he said, and the words hung out in the air for a moment. He heard Elladan’s intake of breath, and he knew Elladan was experiencing that moment of uncomfortable realization. He’d seen it before countless times in Lorien when he said as much. “My mother has never been the same since, and my brothers are young. It fell on me to do what was necessary. Not much time for a lover, not much space for one.”
Elladan nodded slowly, and Haldir felt a warm hand on his thigh, offering comfort. “That explains much. How…?”
“…did he pass? He was sent on a fact-finding trip, rumours of stragglers in Eregion.”
Elladan leaned forward, interest clear. “Yes, I recall something about that. Grandmother spoke in one of her letters of welcoming Eregion refugees to Lorien. I believe several also came to Imladris. They were doing really poorly, Father said it was good that they were found. But – several members of the team were lost.”
“It had been a hard winter, which ended too quickly. The thaw led to a mudslide, swept down from the mountains. My father and two others didn’t escape it in time.”
“That’s horrible,” Elladan said finally, after a moment of silence. “And your mother…?”
“It was really very sudden, we’ve had peace and – Lorien has been spared from most natural disasters. At least – at least during wartime, you know you could lose those who go. This – she wasn’t prepared for the outcome. In any way, shape or form.”
“Why didn’t she sail?”
“Didn’t want to leave us behind, and Orophin found the thought of Valinor scary – Rumil was too young to know what to think.”
“And you?” Elladan asked, quietly.
“It’s not my home.” Haldir said, “I’ll cross the sea some day and see my father again, but – I’m meant to be here.” He wasn’t sure where the surety came from, but he knew he was right in this. He stood up, offering Elladan his hand. “Come, we need to get back. You may know Imladris like the back of your hand, but I don’t feel up to groping my way around in the dark.”
Elladan rose, holding Haldir’s hand longer than necessary. They stood together for a moment of quiet companionship, before moving apart to gather their things. Haldir mounted his horse and watched Elladan do the same. He waited until Elladan was settled before saying, “Thank you.”
Elladan looked up from taking his reins. “For what?” he said, bemused.
“For this evening.” Haldir was unused to being this forthcoming about what he was feeling, but he knew it needed to be said. “For sweeping me away.”
Elladan’s mouth slowly drew into a full smile. “It’s my pleasure, Hal.”
Summer carried on, and the days they spent together passed by too quickly. Haldir would get homesick sometimes, but Elladan was often there with things to do, or armed with distracting kisses. They spent time with Elrohir and Arwen as well, the three of them were quite close and Haldir appreciated that. Haldir wasn’t sure he’d ever get used to talking to Lord Elrond and Lady Celebrian, however, and the first time he was introduced to them by Dan, he thought he was going to be ill. But there was no disapproval, no judgment from either of Elladan’s parents, and Haldir slowly relaxed in their welcoming presence.
He wrote letters to his family and paid the fee to send them whenever a messenger left for Lorien. He went a long time without hearing anything in return, but finally an elf came back with messages for him. He waited until after dinner to read them, then Elladan invited him to his rooms and Haldir accepted. He liked Ria, but Elladan had his rooms to himself. Especially after Elrohir walked in on them – his habit of going in Elladan’s room without warning changed quickly after that. Arwen was more intuitive – she always knocked. Haldir thought sometimes girls were just smarter.
“Who sent them?” Elladan sprawled out on his bed, propping his head up with an elbow and watching Haldir.
Haldir settled on the bed beside Elladan and pulled the paper out of the leather satchel. He checked the handwriting on each. “Calen and….” His face broke into a smile, “Ru. Look at his handwriting.”
Elladan looked over his shoulder. “Well it’s much better than mine at his age. Our teacher almost resigned over my handwriting. Calen? Who is he?”
“Best friend,” Haldir said absently, reading. “And I’ve seen your handwriting, it’s very good.”
“Damn well better be, after all the hours I put into it. Father said I at least needed legible writing if I was going to take over in his stead someday.” Elladan kissed the side of Haldir’s neck. “Is everything well?”
“Yes, thank Yavanna. He writes that my mother is well and my brothers are doing a good job of making sure everything’s done in my absence.” The knot, formed in his chest when he saw he had news of home, loosened with relief. “And Rumil told me all about school and asked me when I’m coming home.”
“Too soon,” Elladan said softly.
Haldir turned toward him, raising his arm and bringing it around Elladan’s shoulders. “I know. Time’s passing quickly.”
He watched Elladan determinedly smile. “Well then, let’s make the best of it.”
Framing his face with a hand, Haldir held him closely, memorizing how Elladan felt in his arms. Elladan was strong, handsome and kind – he didn’t think there would be anyone else like him. Some of that must have showed on his face because Elladan’s smile softened and he leaned in, kissing Haldir. Their mouths met and Haldir’s grip on him tightened, fingers winding in his hair as he kissed him back passionately.
He felt Elladan rub up against him and he broke their kiss long enough to laugh. “You’re insatiable!”
“No, I’m young,” Elladan said cheekily. “And you’re incredibly hot. That’s about all I need. And,” he reached down and cupped Haldir between his legs, “this says you feel the same.”
Haldir groaned and reached for Elladan’s wrist, but once there, he didn’t remove Elladan’s hand. Instead he rocked into the touch. Elladan smiled, kissing his bottom lip and giving a small nip. “You weren’t planning on going anywhere tonight, were you?”
“No, not going anywhere at all,” Haldir said breathlessly. “Not if you keep doing that.”
“Thought not.” Elladan’s reply was distinctly smug.
Haldir pushed him down on the bed, gently but firmly and put his messages on the little table by Elladan’s bed. “You’re a royal brat,” he told Elladan, before covering him with his own body and silencing any means of protest for now and a good while later.
The leaves began turning as autumn began. The vibrant greens of the forest turned to deep reds, rich oranges and earthy browns. It was unlike any autumn Haldir had ever seen, breathtaking and beautiful, and it was welcomed bitter sweetly. He knew his training drew to an end and his return trip home was coming closer with each passing day. He both longed for the day and wished it wouldn’t come. He missed home, but here he had found something just for himself, a world of his own, shared with Elladan.
Elladan didn’t speak of him leaving, it stood between them, noticed but unremarked. He didn’t know what could be said, they both knew how this would end. The same things that Haldir believed drew them together so tightly kept them apart – love of their home, love of family, duty and honour.
Haldir endured Ria’s teasing when he moved his things from their shared room to Elladan’s, but it was worth it. In addition to the pleasure of Elladan’s company, there was a little balcony off the side of his rooms and Haldir had fallen in love with it. He greeted the dawn out there, Elladan often waking and joining him, standing together in the coolness of the morning. He had taken Elladan there, on the balcony floor, blanket hastily shoved underneath them, dark hair spread out against the grey stones, legs wrapped around his waist, fingers threaded through his own.
He stood there now on the eve of his departure as dusk fell. Haldir wasn’t able to leave the dining hall early, he was with his friends and fellow company members that night, but he and Elladan exchanged looks. Without verbal communication both slipped out as everyone moved to the Hall of Fire. Haldir made it to the rooms sooner than Elladan did. He didn’t know why, he was sure Dan knew every passageway and shortcut, known or otherwise secret, but it gave him time to absorb the quietness of the room.
He had made so many memories here. His belongings had slowly mixed in with Elladan’s, he learned to be comfortable with Elladan’s family, and he finally understood the rhythm in which Imladris moved, so different from his own home. But now he was packed up, Elladan’s bedroom was back to the way it was before. He wondered what Elladan’s future looked like now, if he would meet someone after Haldir left, what his own future would be like.
He was too lost in his thoughts to notice when Elladan came in, but he felt strong arms around him and a warm presence at his back. His hand grasped Elladan’s forearm and drew him around front, to Haldir’s sight.
“Took you long enough,” he said lightly.
Elladan smiled at him and slid his arms around Haldir’s neck. “I needed to get something. Miss me?”
“Of course. Miss you already.” Haldir leaned in and kissed him, tenderly but with an underlying knowledge of this being the last night. Elladan held onto him tighter, making a quiet noise in his throat.
“No, not now, not yet.”
Haldir instinctively moved to follow him when Elladan drew away and stopped himself. “No? Why not?”
“Because I have a gift.” Elladan pointed to a package on the bed that Haldir was sure hadn’t been there before. He moved to sit on the bed and touched the wrappings. It looked to be the most expensive gift Haldir had ever received. It wasn’t gaudy, but it was in the small things – the wrapping cloth was green silk, and it was tied with a silver ribbon. He could only imagine what was underneath.
“I can’t accept it, Dan,” he said very quietly. He felt keenly embarrassed, there was nothing left of his spending money and he wasn’t expecting this. “I have no gift for you.”
“I don’t need a gift in return, I just wanted to give this to you.” Elladan looked puzzled.
“I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking about farewell gifts…” Haldir felt a headache come on. It must have showed because Elladan quieted. Finally after some thought, he said, “You’ll come again to Imladris, won’t you?”
“Yes? But I don’t know when or for how long… there’s no way of knowing.” It was the reality of what lay between them, and they both knew it.
“You’ll be back some day. Or, more likely, I’ll be making a trip to Lorien to see my grandparents. You can give me your gift when you see me.”
“I don’t know what my life will look like by then,” Haldir told him bluntly. There were no great loves on his horizon that he knew of, but he was sure making ties between them was foolish, they lived in different worlds. Elladan would meet someone and life would go on. It hurt, but it was what it was.
“Nor I mine,” Elladan said, honesty between them. “No promises between us, there’s too much distance. Just a gift when next we meet. Something that makes you think of me like this makes me think of you.”
Haldir nodded, feeling a little better, though the embarrassment lingered still. At Elladan’s urging he opened the gift, moving silk away to reveal the wolf carving he had admired during their market day. It was as stunning as when he first saw it. The wolf sat back on his haunches, howling at an imaginary moon as the wind ruffled his fur. The wood was walnut, stained a dark rich brown.
“Dan, it’s gorgeous. Thank you.” He touched the carving, looked at it from all angles. “The knife work is amazing.” He didn’t say he had seen it and wanted it, but never would have bought it for himself. He thought perhaps Elladan knew that. “Why a wolf?” he asked curiously.
“Because you’re self-reliant but part of a pack, like they are. And bristly to people you don’t know,” Elladan grinned, “but very loyal to those you do know and care for.”
“Guilty as charged,” Haldir smiled. “Thank you, I will treasure it.”
Elladan moved closer. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think. Really did have no expectations of a gift and I’m not upset at all you didn’t get me one.”
“I know. It’s just – maybe I’m bad at receiving gifts,” Haldir shrugged, and Elladan lay back on the bed, smiling up at him. “Yes, I think you are. In fact, I think you should practice.”
Haldir set the carving and the silk on the nightstand. “How would I do that?”
Elladan stretched out on the bed and gave him a heated look. “Unwrap me.”
Haldir saw the Lorien forest stretching out before him and he knew he was home. He felt like he was coming back as a better person, more complete in himself. He had his family to protect and love and provide for, but he also had something that was his alone, a summer filled with adventures, laughter and sex, grey eyes and a wicked smile. Lying together in the dark, waiting for the sunrise and the journey, he had promised Elladan he’d never forget him. They weren’t empty words. Elladan meant very much to him. He opened a world for Haldir that he wouldn’t have had the time or the space for and made him feel more confident, more sure of himself.
The last leg of the journey went by almost in a blur. Looking back on the trip, all he would remember was noting the golden leaves signaling full autumn and then seeing his family again. They were gathered at the first post within the city limits, his mother standing there with Rumil on her hip and Orophin beside her. Orophin had grown another couple of inches – Haldir figured he’d be the tallest of the family very soon. Rumil wriggled down from his mother’s grip as soon as Haldir dismounted.
“You’re back, you came back!” Rumil said happily, hugging him around his legs.
“Yes, Ru, I promised I would.” He hoisted Rumil up in his arms and hugged him, Rumil throwing his arms around his neck. He saw out of the corner of his eye his mother inconspicuously wipe away a tear, but when her glance met his, she was smiling. Orophin noticed as well, bringing a hand to her shoulder.
“Did you bring me presents?” Haldir was distracted from his mother by Rumil’s blunt question.
“Rumil!” his mother said sharply, but couldn’t quite suppress the smile.
“Yes, Ru, of course I have presents. I have a present for everyone.”
“Oh good,” Rumil replied contentedly, leaning his head on Haldir’s shoulder.
“Did you enjoy your trip?” Orophin asked with clear interest. “What was it like?”
“Exciting? Imladris is really a wonderful place. I met Lord Elrond and talked to Lady Celebrian and their children too…”
“Oh my,” his mother said, raising a hand to her mouth. “Well, you need to tell us about that over dinner. Oro, help him with his bags, Ru - he’s had a long journey, get down.”
“No!” Rumil hugged Haldir tighter and Haldir shook his head. “It’s all right, Nana, but Ru, next time your mother asks you to do something, you need to do it.”
“Sorry.”
Between the four of them, they gathered up Haldir’s belongings. Ria took the reins of Haldir’s horse and said she’d stable him. He thanked her gratefully and they started to head to their flet.
Haldir was home. He’d tell them about his adventures and a little about Elladan, but the full knowledge was something too precious to share, too close to the bone still. He would keep it for himself, something to remember and smile over. He had a gift to find as well. No promises, he understood that. The future remained unknown. But at the very least, he’d gained a summer lover and a friend in the most unlikely of places.