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red_lasbelinStill here. It's not been easy, this past month, but my goal is to spend more time engaging and being around. My world's been in an uproar for a variety of reasons, none the least Kei's passing. I want to talk to her every day.
My work life has been chaos, which has been distracting. I'm reasonably proud of myself for having a decently clean apartment and groceries in the fridge. I'm worried about the winter coming - I deal with seasonal depression pretty bad, but I'm determined to make it through because I know Kei would not want me to dissolve into a mess.
Thank you everyone for the birthday wishes - I think I missed some for sure. I tried to go back through LJ/DW's friends feed and realized there was a cut off so I lost some posts. I can't remember if it always worked like that or if this is new. My deepest apologies if I missed something, it was definitely not intended.
I also have some important things to do, like update Kei's website so it's complete. I need to write again. I signed up for Zhie's Scribbles and Drabbles event back when she was in the hospital because I knew she would want me to - she always encouraged my writing even though I found many reasons to put it on the back-burner. She also gifted me several important ficlets for my birthday last year, and it was always her intention for me to beta them and her post them. Part of me wants to hold onto them privately forever, but I don't think that's what she'd want.
We were supposed to talk about what she wanted done with her fandom legacy - I told her we'd have to talk about that the last time I ever spoke to her and she agreed. But I didn't know I'd never speak to her again. I'm going to have to make some best guesses as to what she'd want. I'm going to keep her website up as long as I can afford the hosting. I'm going to run MSV again this year because she would haunt me if I didn't.
At some point, I am going to do a little post about my South Africa trip - not so much about the funeral, but some of the lovely memories I have. (Special shout out toanerea - there is no hyperbole when I say she is an amazing, generously warm human being who helped me immensely.) Eventually I might even make a post that isn't about Kei, but I'm still trying to process a world without her.
My work life has been chaos, which has been distracting. I'm reasonably proud of myself for having a decently clean apartment and groceries in the fridge. I'm worried about the winter coming - I deal with seasonal depression pretty bad, but I'm determined to make it through because I know Kei would not want me to dissolve into a mess.
Thank you everyone for the birthday wishes - I think I missed some for sure. I tried to go back through LJ/DW's friends feed and realized there was a cut off so I lost some posts. I can't remember if it always worked like that or if this is new. My deepest apologies if I missed something, it was definitely not intended.
I also have some important things to do, like update Kei's website so it's complete. I need to write again. I signed up for Zhie's Scribbles and Drabbles event back when she was in the hospital because I knew she would want me to - she always encouraged my writing even though I found many reasons to put it on the back-burner. She also gifted me several important ficlets for my birthday last year, and it was always her intention for me to beta them and her post them. Part of me wants to hold onto them privately forever, but I don't think that's what she'd want.
We were supposed to talk about what she wanted done with her fandom legacy - I told her we'd have to talk about that the last time I ever spoke to her and she agreed. But I didn't know I'd never speak to her again. I'm going to have to make some best guesses as to what she'd want. I'm going to keep her website up as long as I can afford the hosting. I'm going to run MSV again this year because she would haunt me if I didn't.
At some point, I am going to do a little post about my South Africa trip - not so much about the funeral, but some of the lovely memories I have. (Special shout out to
anerea - there is no hyperbole when I say she is an amazing, generously warm human being who helped me immensely.) Eventually I might even make a post that isn't about Kei, but I'm still trying to process a world without her.
no subject
Date: 2022-09-25 10:39 am (UTC)Re: the cut off DW/LJ feeds: it's a bit more time-consuming, of course, but you can also just go through your friends' journals one by one to see if you missed something. I never used the reading list and feeds, but used notifications for various reasons. I often don't manage to keep up even so, so sometimes I just go to a friend's journal and go back over the last few weeks of entries or so to see what I missed.
It's so good to know I'm so glad you're going to take care of Kei's fandom legacy; I'd been wondering about it. I'm sorry you haven't been able to discuss it with her, but I'm sure your best guesses are exactly what she'd be happy with. If there's anything I can do to help with any of that in any regard, also financially, I'd be happy to!
I can understand your feelings about those gift ficlets very well. There's no hurry in sharing them, I would think; just follow your heart and where your grieving journey takes you. ***hugs*** I'm sure what she'd want most is you doing what's best for yourself.
Best wishes for your own writing as well, and for a cooperative muse! ♥ And I'm looking forward to anything you'd like to share about your trip.
Eventually I might even make a post that isn't about Kei, but I'm still trying to process a world without her.
That's no surprise, and working through this is neither easy nor going quickly. I'm here for any Kei-related content of yours, and not because I miss her immensely myself, but because I know what it means to work through grief and loss. ***hugs***a
no subject
Date: 2022-09-28 12:50 am (UTC)That's so kind of you - but I do have the hosting covered for the forseeable future. I'll remember it if anything comes up though. I do not want to take advantage of anyone's kindness. I have it budgeted in with everything else.
Thank you for your thoughts re: legacy and grieving. I promise I'll answer your longer email as soon as I'm able as well.
I hope you're gentle with yourself too with all of this!
*hugs tightly*